How i projected my childhood on my son

As an artist and a mother, my work often reflects what I am feeling at that moment, what I am going through. Sometimes, I don’t quite recognize or cannot really explain what or why I am feeling a certain way, but it becomes clearer by the time I finish a piece. It's almost like going to counseling, only to realize what I am feeling at the end of the painting. One such piece is 'Womb,' an original watercolor and collage painting created during a particularly emotional period when my son was transitioning and "settling in" to a new daycare. I believe this painting will remind me how, as parents, we can only guide and at some point, have to watch them grow and face new challenges on their own.

'Womb' came to me during my son's "settling-in" period at his new daycare. As a parent, seeing your child step into a new environment can stir up emotions. For me, it was a mix of anxiety and a desire to protect him. I remember telling his new teachers, "he's a really sensitive, delicate kid." Moments later, I saw older children not happy with the fact he was invading their play space. The child said something in German I couldnt understand. My son turned around, showed his fist, and made a grunting noise. I was surprised but also felt assured that he was going to be okay.

I reflected on what happened during the hour and a half we were at the new daycare while we headed back home. I realized much of my fear was a projection of my own childhood insecurities. 'He’s a really sensitive, delicate kid' was about me. It was that blonde girl who arrived in Japan at the age of 4 during a time when not much foreigners or so to speak “gaijins” were that common. I was imposing my past fears onto him, wanting to shield him from the world, much like keeping him safe in my womb. But now I felt optimistic that he is capable of handling challenges in his own unique way.

Our fears are often from our own experiences and not theirs.

It's so hard, but I believe the healthy way is to find a balance between protecting them and also letting them navigate the world through their own experiences.