No Surprises: How Depression Emerged from Letting Go of My Passion is about how a sudden loss of artistic passion triggered a deep depression in my life. Reflecting on my journey from art-filled joy to a dark period of personal struggle, I reveal how reconnecting with my creative self was the key to overcoming depression and finding fulfillment.

Why do I paint my son so often? It’s not just because he’s the center of my universe. Painting him allows me to reflect on our relationship, work through my emotions, and find ways to repair and grow. Inspired by Becky Kennedy’s TED Talk on the importance of repairing parent-child relationships, I’ve found that art is a powerful tool for understanding and improving my parenting.

The reason behind painting this piece started from my desire for a new challenge.

I had never before painted elderly individuals, nor had I tackled male subjects. Using Midjourney, I created a reference featuring an elderly Caucasian man in a kimono, accompanied by ikebana flowers. It was a quite a challenge, but I found joy in the process, especially as I reached the midpoint. Normally, I avoid painting drapery, hands, wrinkled faces, men, and flowers, so completing this piece felt like a significant achievement at the time.I named this painting 'Mankai 満開' because in Japanese, 'mankai' is used to describe the peak bloom of a flower. We typically don’t associate this with old age, but for me, it signifies that humans, can reach their peak with age—a time of success and wisdom.

Moreover, after finishing the painting, I realized it somehow portrayed aspects of who I am or could have been in a different universe. Growing up, ocassionaly I wished I had been born a guy. Raised in Japan, this painting seems to reflect my imagined life as a man.

Reflecting on the completed painting, I find it intresting how it has become like a self-portrait, capturing aspects of my identity and aspirations.That is exactly one of the beauty of creativity.