The Alien Gaze of Newborns

Something about that newborn phase, up until around five months old, made me feel like my son was an alien.
Some creature we cannot quite grasp—what they are thinking, feeling, or where they are at. Maybe it's my sleep deprivation, his underdeveloped vision, limited communication, innate reflexes, or just the profound bond and hormonal changes in me—I can't quite understand what my newborn son was thinking or feeling, making him seem almost alien and sacred.

There was one moment when he just gazed at the lamp light for such a long time, with a face that I associated with sacredness. Jesus? Buddha? I don't know. Just sacred. Something to learn from. This is the watercolor portrait, with the exact reference photo being this moment of his sacred gaze. Maybe it’s a baby’s way of staying alive. Maybe that was embedded into my genetics so I can keep going, even when sleep-deprived, waking up every two hours to rejuvenate him so he can keep going.

I don't know.
But I know it was just sacred.